He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
