3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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