now i know why i became what i already was.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
