I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
