so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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