'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
