So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
