When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
