My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
cat food counts as protein by the way
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
