Kiss
Puke
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
