I'm laying in your front yard are you home
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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