me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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