I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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