The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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