Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
