Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
