brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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