i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Even my vagina gasped.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
