have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
