I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
