dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
