yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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