Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
