I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it's great music for shaving your balls
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
