I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
