Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
