I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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