Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
