The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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