i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i need some magic done to my vagina
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
