we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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