Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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