Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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