yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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