Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
