Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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