atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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