You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
