Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
