It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am available for nakedness
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
