The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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