hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
