She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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