hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
