You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
