talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize