Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
