You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
