Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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