Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
