last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
