Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
