Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She's the barista slut.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
